Friday, June 16, 2006

My Dark Jesus

As I child, I had horrible nightmares. Sometimes they would occur in sequence. I would have one, wake up, fall back asleep, have another, wake up, fall back asleep, and have another. Sometimes the nightmares were recurring. A few times, I even had the same nightmare twice in a row or twice in the same night. This is one of them...

I was sitting in the living room playing with my toys and suddenly it seemed like all the voices and sounds in the world were silenced. And I looked around in bewilderment. My parents and brother were on the couch and they wondered at the silence also. My dad said that maybe it was the rapture and all the good people were going to be taken up to heaven.

Then there was the sound of a horn blowing. It seemed loud, but only because of the silence. I got up, went to the sliding-glass door, and looked outside. I couldn't seen any living thing. There was no breeze. Not even a leaf on the trees moved or fell. The horn died.

When I turned around, my parents and brother were gone and there were holes in the ceiling above where they had been on the couch. I remember such fear and panic. The people I relied on most in the world, my Mom and Dad, were gone forever. I was all alone. Not only was I all alone, I was damned. At this point, sometimes I would wake up crying. Sometimes I would not...

Suddenly the door flies open of its own volition and a man walks into the entryway. He looks like those images of Jesus that are familiar to children, but has a strange smirk on his face and although it is unusually bright outside, his presence seems to dim the light so that he is half-cloaked in shadow. He scares me. And then he starts laughing. It is not a comforting laugh or a laugh of delight, but derision. He is laughing at me. He is laughing because I am scared. He is laughing because I am alone and damned. The terror wakes me up by this time if I haven't woken up already.


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